“That’s just the way I am… Why do I have to heal when they did that to me… Anyone who truly loves me would accept me the way I am… That isn’t fair…”

A snippet of thoughts that plague our minds when we experience a push towards change – when relationships end, when jobs are gone, when life satisfaction is low, when mental health declines. People are expected to heal themselves, yet the trauma experienced was most likely not their fault. Familial trauma, social trauma, sexual trauma, poverty trauma, academic trauma, professional trauma – These are amongst difficulties everyone experiences in some shape, form, or fashion. “Why is it ruining my relationships? Why does it feel impossible to succeed?” This happens when we do not recognize the benefit and necessity of accountability. What if I told you taking accountability can render mental health progress; fulfilling relationships; firmer boundaries; greater self-protection;  increased life-balance; progressive life satisfaction.

Through my extensive training in Positive Psychology, CBT, DBT, etc, personal healing experience, and internal knowledge, I have heard statements alike in my personal and professional atmospheres. I have guided numerous individuals through the process of acknowledging, addressing, and implementing strategies to take accountability for the success within their life. I have also provided the safe space necessary for accountability to flourish – that safe space is pivotal for people to understand taking accountability for their healing does not have to be lonely, overwhelming or feel impossible. These comments have a multitude of meanings for everyone, including, but not limited to:

• Some people feel these thoughts protect them
• Some people do not know where to begin the healing journey
• Some people are comfortable with their discomfort: The comfort of knowing what detriment will come from remaining the same, outweighs the comfort of unfamiliar change
• Some are afraid
• Some have been discouraged from expressing emotion, henceforth creating suppression and lack of seeking help and guidance  
• Some may have trauma, or mental health struggles that create difficulty in processing the need for accountability

Facts about improving your mental health through the avenue of therapy:

• Anyone can benefit from psychotherapy
• Psychotherapy is understanding your thoughts and emotions
• Asking for help is the start to feeling better
• Psychotherapy is interactive and collaborative
• Research shows people who have attended therapy have significant benefit across socio-economic status, professions, races, genders, etc. To expound, therapy helped improve the quality of for people who deemed they had poor quality of life, and people who deemed their lives already successful – Something that can make something that is good even better. 

When we do not take accountability, we continue to bleed on those who did not hurt us – essentially doing what was done to us. There is no one else who has to live in your brain, your body, your life experiences – Why allow anyone else to create dissatisfaction in your life. There are a multitude of reasons for difficulty in taking accountability. But this does not have to stop us from gaining new understandings and engaging in new strategies to find fulfillment and increase life satisfaction. Life. Is. Hard. When we take accountability, it can feel like we are admitting we are ‘wrong’, ‘unworthy’, or less than perfect. The truth is everyone has areas of improvement. You deserve to give yourself your healthiest version, and the people in your life deserve the healthiest version of you.

Therapy is not the only way to engage in accountability, acknowledge, and address our areas of improvement. Below I will list some tips and ways to engage in accountability. 

Tips for Engaging in Accountability: 

• Psychotherapy with a licensed professional
• Align yourself with fulfilling relationships
• Place yourself in nurturing environments
• Find your purpose and passion and delve into that 
• Ask for help from your support system inside and outside of the home 
• Self-help/improvement books, podcasts, videos  
• Check-ins with your medical health professional
• Check-ins with your family (Relaying information about your needs and wants)
• Speak up about your experiences in safe spaces
• Coaching programs and retreats
• Social media sites that align with encouraging and healthy accountability 
• LOVE YOURSELF 

Tips to Support Someone in Their Accountability and Healing Journey

• Provide a safe space 
• Provide a listening ear
• Validate their experiences
• Seek ways to assist 
• Gently speak up about what you recognize 
• Communicate freely, honestly, respectfully
• Inquire about their experiences for their lives an what created those desires

As a human being, you are entitled to having the things you desire and work for. You are deserving of finding healthy balance in your daily lives, as you maneuver what meaning your life has and what you choose to put out into this world. With accountability, that meaning increases. As we spend an immense amount of time pouring out of ourselves into others, ensure that you are pouring from the overflow within yourself! You are bold. You are deserving. You are necessary. 

If you remember nothing else from this article, please remember this… “Not everyone has a mental illness, but everyone has mental health.” – Khandyce Pitner, M.Ed, LPC

American Psychological Association. (2018, October 1). Get the facts about psychotherapy. American Psychological Association. Retrieved August 25, 2022, from https://www.apa.org/topics/psychotherapy/myths

Khandyce Pitner, M.Ed, LPC – Mental Health Therapist